I have known about the weird discord in my relationships all these years and it seems that it’s reached my wife too. I don’t have any reason to tell her that it is a self-centered approach and I have been always put second fiddle to everything including tea sessions. Do I have any option. I have felt this all my life that I was second fiddle. Why has she always been the way that we will stay with family. Hasn’t she always spoilt it for you Vaibhav a d out pressure on you in the past as well. Because all she has been done is pampered for smallest of things by her Dad and not toughened. This was something similar to me and Akki, we were toughened with emotions because we both were fucked off by our parents rather than embraced. My pursuits have been my own and no one else’s motivation in fact, it has been the entire opposite of that. My family’s pursuits have been that of a poster boy who is romancing money and I have been the entire opposite of that. The one person who could’ve been my adversary in life, my mum, left me with abandonment unconsciousness.

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Bringing value to myself and others

I am just afraid to be someone else’s bitch. But at the same time I want to be someone who is not taken for a ride. After so many years, I’ve come back as my boss-Anuj or at the same position as Anuj. Vaibhav, you just don’t have to be afraid of taking up work. What’s the bigger picture in mind. To be here or actually get recommendations from other people. Going forward in life do you think people will remember you for your fun-ness or the value you have added in their life. For the value of course. But for bringing in value, you need to up your own value and ensure that you are taking out time to do what keeps your feul going. Do you know what your feul is? Fitness and my life is what my feul is ? Travelling to new places and experiences is a bit ambigous but I just imagine making this a routine.

One green tea latte for my soul please! Thank You!

Everyone remembers the red pill and blue pill story from the Matrix, which would have been some context to this article as had it not been the much required green tea I needed when I sat down to write this piece. Coming to the Barista, I needed a detox so strong that I left my usual choice of a Cafe Mocha and instead went for the horribly tasting beverage…the horror of all coffee shops…the horrid Green Tea Latte!

My first preference was the Hibiscus and Pomegranate Iced tea, but unfortunately, they ran out of it that day. (which also tastes horrible for Starbucks standard). I needed a detox which was cold to the throat and would cleanse my interiors. After a day of mediocre conversations, excessive alcohol and junk food consumption, I resolved to go for the anti-thesis of a satisfying beverage.

As I sipped through it with contempt, I felt that it wasn’t my tummy that needed the detox but it was my soul! My aura, my brain, my thoughts or whatever you may call the soul in your world. I just consumed toxic materials through my eyes and ears. Toxicity is in abundance around and no one is willing to raise the bar of taste. Sipping the ghastly drink is helping me clear my conscious of the toxic over-ride I just went through. It’s medicinal in fact.

When I say toxic, I don’t mean that we are the proponents of concentration camps of the Nazi-Germanic era or we’re going through the horrors that Middle Eastern folks are going through after years of Genocide or mass killings. Thankfully, its not that bad yet. Since real-time content is available at our fingertips on our handsets and multimedia screens are omnipresent in our urban existence, we’re more in a position to be influenced by propaganda media and mediocre communication. Evidence of this fact is when you witness a growing league of eccentric extroverted youth talking about their personal social media metrics around you instead of carrying out meaningful conversations for a better future, an outburst of videos that come on our screens painting a picture of a post-card perfect life even when real-life issues such as poverty and malnutrition mar the future of our country.

How is this intrusion of our personal lives happening and influencing the course of our future growth? A few days back, research reports erupted of the youth being unaccomplished due to over-exposure of the internet in the US. Ferocious consumption of video, television, social media…the sources are endless. I don’t think this consumption dose is going to reduce anytime soon in the coming future. Bombardment of content is inevitable in our veritable future.┬áThe concept of clarity and self-awareness is losing itself to gluttony and ‘over-awareness’, an overload if you would put it that way. If it ain’t bigger, better, faster, complex-er, then it ain’t worth it.

Let me take a gulp of that horrid green tea latte for a bit.

Consumption is easier than creating. The thought of consuming before creating has no benchmark, other than something that fills the brain cells up to a limit where creation becomes a necessity rather than a way of life. It’s difficult to even consider that.

Another thing that changes our patterns to consumption rather than creating is monotony. A continuous and consistent struggle of the senses allows us to think creatively and vent it out. A brilliant guy once said that creativity comes from the 3 B’s- Bed, Bath and Bus(travelling). He’s not wrong but these activities fill our senses and strip us of the commodities that we value like Television and media which allows us to think and create that for ourselves. So we create. Is creation a force of mankind? We must innately create in order to survive? When we are taken away from our space of comfort, we are innately thinking of creating a vision and that’s what essentially makes us human. Are we designed to move, to reproduce, to create, to consume? The answer is a definite yes, we are to consume and create. Isn’t that why we have limbs to move, thumbs to hold, mouth to eat. We will consume and take out the waste and convert the energy of this planet to move and create.

“We are what we eat”, it doesn’t restrict itself to just food. The phrase extends itself to say, “You are what you eat, you are what you think”. Entertainment content available today is spread across a wide spectrum of themes – cooking challenges, game-theory voyeurism, fantasy drama, pulp fiction, dark satire…the list is endless. If we’re consuming content of different varieties and making it a point of conversation in our daily lives, how are we able to distinguish ourselves as a curator of our thoughts. We are being given these options in today’s time and all we need is the intent and time to consume it.

The future of content is massive as more and more people are entering the online realm. However, as content creators, do we not have a ‘white-hat’ responsibility to entertain, influence or inform. A flurry of videos that showcase endless vine compilations doing the rounds on multiple online channels isn’t just degrading our youth to consume such content but is also influencing them to divulge in creating content of the similar type and enacting such mundane practices. Painting a picture of a fulfilled life whereas the artifice is apparent behind the scenes. Do we not have a responsibility as mentors to guide our consumption and curate our thoughts to evade such endless online gluttony and use it in our favour rather than giving in to our innate reflex.

Yuck!! the green tea latte was horrendous. The baristas know it, the coffee shop owner knows it, the customers know it, but it made a wonderful instagram post.

 

Struggle

Challenges abound that bother because inspite of having a mother, I will never feel the mother’s care. My clothes are faded and despite me saying it so many times, they still fade both for my clothes and in my life. It still bothers me that I don’t have any support system. I continue to fight and struggle. What’s life without being out of your comfort zone. 

Slow may be dangerous

Is this turning out to be the same situation, it’s a very dangerous place to be in. Is it really about standing up for yourself or is it about getting work done. Fuck, this may turn out to be the same situation as VG. Or is it just me who’s the problem here? 

Even he said that I’m slow but I gradually realised that I started doing stuff which has no correlation to my job, completely out of peer pressure. Like why is it that I have to deliver the cheque to the hotel? Why am I organising this event? I’m not a newbie anymore but I’m literally being treated as an intern here. 

Is a no paycheck better than a bad paycheck? Am I whoring myself? 

Soul vs Mind

I feel comfortable in knowing some truths about me and the world. Choosing sides is inevitable. Carving a path of your own needs grit determination and lots of backup. That’s certain. There’s nothing more comforting than backup when you want to carve your own name your own way. The analytical bent of my mind asks what exactly is backup and what exactly is comfortable for carving your own. Is it money? Is it age? Is it life status? Is it health? Is it a combination of all these? Then how much? Is goal setting a driver to achieve substance in life or withering away like a feather with the gush of wind better for your soul. My confidence is a huge factor. And my soul is a huge factor too. The soul says goals suck and enjoy life as you go along but my mind tells me goals are good. It’s just that I don’t see anyone near me pursue goals as persistently as I would. What I need is some re-programming to make it good.