I am in a confused state. The job doesn’t give me too much of satisfaction. It doesn’t put me on an edge, to think. At the same time, it allows me to breathe, and I know its what I wanted and I got it. The dream of having less or no work and incentives. The problem is I don’t know what is my target. What is my achievement theory? Am I to follow up with my client list or what? Am I to wait for the account to get active and should read up on it before it gets out of my control? What does your gut tell you Vaibhav?
-My gut, which is something I have observed over the years is that something that you hadn’t anticipated, will arrive much sooner than you imagine. So I have to be on the edge of my seat. Maybe to paraphrase it, it’s to break my comfort zone and do it. Now I am getting comfortable at the job but I need to break that comfort zone and achieve the next level. That’s what the winners do right…that’s what Tony Robbins says about these super successful hedge fund managers. To be honest, I haven’t gotten the first paycheck yet and I am thinking of possibly abusing my work ethic and going back to non-committance to anything and start doing something of my own.
My gut has not been wrong. My instinct tells me and drives me to what I want to do which is –
- Write my books and get it published by a publishing agency. Self-publishing is tedious and lacks the validation that I would get from a publishing firm. If they validate my writings, they’ve been publishing books before I was born, so I need to get a publishers validation on my writings.
- Write my magnum opus which is ‘The idea of a nation’. I will only release that book when I am dead that is most probably in the year 2067. So my idea has to be for 2070 period. Its going to almost be sci-fi
- I must understand the Nazi movement upclose. I have to end up in Germany and understand the birth zone of the Nazi movement.
- I have to be ready with my body before the time when I start my movement.
If my creator has given me the role of the writer and has told me that I will lead the people on this rock of a planet by my words, then why do I not write about this. What upsets me about all the things that are there. What is it that the people are doing wrong and will need some correction in their perspective. What should I write about. The way people will get my message across is when I amplify it across mediums – TV, Newspaper, Magazine, Movies, Books, etc. I need to amplify my messages. Now what is the message. What is that thing that I need to put across that will move the people. I sometimes think to myself that that vision I saw of me when I was in the pool and the shrooms kicked in, was I actually hallucinating? Was it a clear state of mind or was it a hallucination? It wa pretty clear that I wanted to write and in the midst of it all, my thoughts were quite clear and so was my vocab. How did my vocab actually improved when I didnt’ read a thing and all I did was clear my head on the beach side with nothing much to do. Was the industrial revolution actually making people work working for the people. I think we are still quite few numbers but there is a system that is supposedly flawed that allows us to follow it for sustenance and livelihood. I have heard it in movies and there are documentaries that challenge the system and declare that it is geared to put more money in the hands of the rich rather than an equal distribution of resources. Wealth measurement is in the form of paper notes holdings. The more paper notes you are holding the more wealth you have. And this paper notes holding is a ticket that allows you to enable better life and resources for yourself. You have the option to spread it amongst those that you feel are righteous or deserve a portion of that and its completely at your free will. However, to acquire the paper notes, there is a transaction that needs to happen that will allow one person to transfer to the other the wealth, in the form of a tangible or intangible commodity. However, the tangible commodity is something that should be worthwhile to hold so that the person who is transferring that commodity to you feels that he is buying into that commodity. An example is that of employment, if the manager costs around 7.5 lacs per annum to the company but the commodity is brand management, it is an intangible thing but the compensation is worth 7.5 lacs. Nowhere were we taught how to value services, so service experience valuation is something that is still un-valued. So services needs to have some testimonials, which back the service experience of dealing with the said person. Testimonials seem to be the only way of judging the person’s character and personality. So social selling has become important to get testimonials. So then testimonials should also be valued with paper notes. In the ethical point of view, buying testimonials seems to be a wrong practise but why does it come under the banner of unethical practice. I want to understand how is this unethical practice when as per the intuitive course of the system, it is a natural route to purchase rather than earn testimonials. Maybe this is where unethical practices become debatable and people see ends to a mean and means to an end. Coming back to valuation or products and services, the market demand really explains the pricing as per the paper notes of the product. If somehow I have testimonials and expertise in a variety of things and can assure light speed productivity and efficiency in my capability, then I am sure that my value with respect to paper notes will increase. But how is it possible that paper notes value is less in some areas of the world and more in some areas of hte world. For example, if I am in NZD, the value and currency may be loosely connected with the US Dollar but the same services that I can purchase from a NZD is cheaper in India and at times it is better and faster. So what are the variables in that case? What is the cost of development and cost of expertise hiring ratio in India versus in New Zealand. It has to do with a lot of personal choices and personal development. Suppose I want intangible expertise to be there rather than product development, then I should invest in an education system which alleviates the expertise development. If the education system doesn’t alleviate the expertise development, the cost of expertise hiring ratio will be lesser because the cost of development is lesser. But in the case of India versus New Zealand, the cost of development may not be leaning towards NZD whereas the cost of development in India will be more because of factors of high resistance and availability of resources and purchasing power. So in a way, somehow its talking of a vicious circle where the poor and the destitute where there is a lack of resources, the ratio will remain lower and the ratio in the resourceful country will remain higher. This situation exists on paper, it is in simulation mode that it happens like that but when and where do these variables change or alter?
I am at a loss for words and at a loss for quality words. My vocabulary is getting weaker rather than richer. Why is that? …because my vocab is my money maker. I need to improve it by selecting my media and getting influenced by it before its too late. I know exactly which media I need to read and which one to avoid. Movies and tv serials I must avoid at all costs. Maybe just a select few that I can watch on Netflix but nothing besides that. I have to remove the Tata sky connection from my room and divert it to the hall. Yes, that’s better. And also my fitness level needs to improve. How can I not improve my fitness level. It seems that I need to correct all this. I need to correct my coffee fix too.
Coming back to my vocab and my typing skills, I need to fasten it up and also improve my vocab…a lot of improvement is needed. I just finished the book Switch On and Im contemplating going back to the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy. What should be the decision, I am becoming indecisive. With everything, maybe that’s something that comes from my Father, he doesn’t have an opinion of his own rather than being strongminded about all that is there. Now with the rent coming in, he’s taken a backseat with all the burdens that are there.
It seems that money doesn’t go well with me. As soon as it reaches me, it goes somewhere else, it doesn’t seem to sit well with me. Maybe I should give all the money to her? Can I allow her to keep all the money without me keeping any but still having enough to go ahead in life?
Am i being superstitious about this? Should I give transferring all my money to her a chance.That means I will have to be showing in my books of accounts that I am living on a measly income. That’s not at all bad.
Let me see test a few symptoms –
- Keep 50k with you and see for how long it stays there
- Does the amount multiply or substract
- What were the reasons why it got substracted.
Experiment with this and see.
I’m not able to get into the crux of the art. I need to give more attention to it and rid myself of the subsidiary activities. My taxes are the current thing bothering me now. I think it would be ideal to make a list and future progression of things.
Things haven’t gone the way I thought they would. By this time I should’ve been rich with a Range Rover. How did this happen? I think I realised my market worth? I need to increase my market worth and how do I go around doing that?
The things that you know and you’ve done –
- Read books
- Exercise regularly
- Wake up early
- Work like it guilts you
- etc etc
But what’s keeping me back. I am an eclectic person. From 2013-2016, that’s 3 years I have been a lazy ass and have destroyed some important qualities that I had. One is definitely seeking behaviour. I need to start seeking the way I used to.
- Seeking behaviour
- Step out of your comfort zone
- read excessively
- Be selfish about money
- Always be playing your cards
- Always be looking great and feeling fresh
- Stay in your eclecticism
Are you enjoying the things that you have or no? I have been on a sustainable lifestyle for the past 3 years. That venture with Anoop chachu really pulled me down and I’m getting the feeling that I’m going to be pulled down again. Better to be out of the house and spend lesser hours in the house. Make sure to fuck off by 10-10:30. You also know that you have to maximise your speed and get comfortable with a progressive lifestyle. Waking up at 9 am doesn’t count. Waking up at 7 am would most probably count. That means fucking off to bed at 11 pm. 11-7 am is 8 hours of sleep. That too is too much comfort.
Tonight’s conversations left me unperturbed. I foresee a change in relationships and values that are there. In a whiff of a few days, the entire perspective has changed. Div stopped me from saying anything to her and literally stopped me from saying anything. How can anyone cut me short of saying what I want to say. It seems that he is not comfortable with my presence in the relationship that he has with her. I wonder what it is but it is there, and an after-thought leaves me dry to utter anything except for longing for thoughts. My best friend as rumor has it, has shared his future life with the world except for me, and I long for companionship as per the norms of society.
In the midst of all this happening, I try to find myself and I know that I seek nothing but myself as that is the only thing that I control and relationships are not.
I foresee the happenings of my previous relationships with my college mates, something that never really came to fruition in the right sense, atleast with me. I seem to lose myself in relationships, the kind of upbringing my father taught me…to give yourself above the other person, because he or she is more important than you. That quality in me, left me dry longing for my own when everybody left me for nothing. I tell myself, that I will never leave myself dry for someone else, for someone else who I know I have no control over, but I tend to fall in the pit of despair and deep I go down the rabbit hole.
Its been 29 years of highs and lows and this is definitely a low point in the relationship. I have been quite unsuccessful in my relationships where other people have been involved. For some reason, they’re not what I thought they would turn out to be. My relationship with my work, my relationship with friends, theyre not at all how I envisioned they would turn out. Is it possible they arent turning out the way you thought they would because you havent’ turned out the way you envisioned yourself. By this time, I should’ve had a great bod, an contemporary style apartment in Mumbai and a dual career in the arts and sciences. Great going Vaibhav, it is you who hasn’t turned out the way you envisioned and relationships havent turned out the way you envisioned. It’s time to focus on you and your partner the most. These relationships are tumultuous !