Cash flow flux

It seems that money doesn’t go well with me. As soon as it reaches me, it goes somewhere else, it doesn’t seem to sit well with me. Maybe I should give all the money to her? Can I allow her to keep all the money without me keeping any but still having enough to go ahead in life?

Am i being superstitious about this? Should I give transferring all my money to her a chance.That means I will have to be showing in my books of accounts that I am living on a measly income. That’s not at all bad.

Let me see test a few symptoms –

  • Keep 50k with you and see for how long it stays there
  • Does the amount multiply or substract
  • What were the reasons why it got substracted.

Experiment with this and see.

 

 

Trying to pick myself up…

I’m not able to get into the crux of the art. I need to give more attention to it and rid myself of the subsidiary activities. My taxes are the current thing bothering me now. I think it would be ideal to make a list and future progression of things.

Things haven’t gone the way I thought they would. By this time I should’ve been rich with a Range Rover. How did this happen? I think I realised my market worth? I need to increase my market worth and how do I go around doing that?

The things that you know and you’ve done –

  • Read books
  • Exercise regularly
  • Wake up early
  • Work like it guilts you
  • etc etc

But what’s keeping me back. I am an eclectic person. From 2013-2016, that’s 3 years I have been a lazy ass and have destroyed some important qualities that I had. One is definitely seeking behaviour. I need to start seeking the way I used to.

  • Seeking behaviour
  • Step out of your comfort zone
  • read excessively
  • Be selfish about money
  • Always be playing your cards
  • Always be looking great and feeling fresh
  • Stay in your eclecticism

Are you enjoying the things that you have or no?  I have been on a sustainable lifestyle for the past 3 years. That venture with Anoop chachu really pulled me down and I’m getting the feeling that I’m going to be pulled down again. Better to be out of the house and spend lesser hours in the house. Make sure to fuck off by 10-10:30. You also know that you have to maximise your speed and get comfortable with a progressive lifestyle. Waking up at 9 am doesn’t count. Waking up at 7 am would most probably count. That means fucking off to bed at 11 pm. 11-7 am is 8 hours of sleep. That too is too much comfort.

Winds of Change

Tonight’s conversations left me unperturbed. I foresee a change in relationships and values that are there. In a whiff of a few days, the entire perspective has changed. Div stopped me from saying anything to her and literally stopped me from saying anything. How can anyone cut me short of saying what I want to say. It seems that he is not comfortable with my presence in the relationship that he has with her. I wonder what it is but it is there, and an after-thought leaves me dry to utter anything except for longing for thoughts. My best friend as rumor has it, has shared his future life with the world except for me, and I long for companionship as per the norms of society.

In the midst of all this happening, I try to find myself and I know that I seek nothing but myself as that is the only thing that I control and relationships are not.

I foresee the happenings of my previous relationships with my college mates, something that never really came to fruition in the right sense, atleast with me. I seem to lose myself in relationships, the kind of upbringing my father taught me…to give yourself above the other person, because he or she is more important than you. That quality in me, left me dry longing for my own when everybody left me for nothing. I tell myself, that I will never leave myself dry for someone else, for someone else who I know I have no control over, but I tend to fall in the pit of despair and deep I go down the rabbit hole.

Its been 29 years of highs and lows and this is definitely a low point in the relationship. I have been quite unsuccessful in my relationships where other people have been involved. For some reason, they’re not what I thought they would turn out to be. My relationship with my work, my relationship with friends, theyre not at all how I envisioned they would turn out. Is it possible they arent turning out the way you thought they would because you havent’ turned out the way you envisioned yourself. By this time, I should’ve had a great bod, an contemporary style apartment in Mumbai and a dual career in the arts and sciences. Great going Vaibhav, it is you who hasn’t turned out the way you envisioned and relationships havent turned out the way you envisioned. It’s time to focus on you and your partner the most. These relationships are tumultuous !

Sense of Unpurpose

I feel a sense of unpurpose. All my friends and near and dear ones are working and grinding, but I’m not quite sure that is the way it should be. If they are working, but are they hustling. They’re doing the 9-5 hustle. And whether the 9-5 hustle is good enough for someone to sustain a living. Is that the correct way. Look at me, I haven’t a nickel to my name, I haven’t bought new shades in sometime, I haven’t bought a new phone in sometime, I haven’t the money to buy me a cheap tv or anything but I’m not doing the 9-5 hustle. Is the 9-5 hustle actually going to work for me. Im not so sure. I get involved in my work. I like that my work is an extension of who I am.What is that Im not quite sure yet. But I want to write and create. I can create through writing. So is writing a good option to create a living. I must give myself some goals on my writing. If I am to write and have a career change I must give myself a 5 year goal of doing so.