Idleness contemplations

waiting in line so that they call me to collect my cheque. Seems a bit too extreme. Are you getting comfortable not working for a paycheque? Do you think that’s how a startup exists? This is a startup and to survive you have to work your ass off.

This is a professional place of business, then why the change in thought? What is happening in terms of anxiety. The anxiety is that people will realise that im not a great client servicing manager after all. After all these years of working, you know that you’ve been taking it easy since the time you lost passion for doing something. Where is the passion and where is the drive? It’s your 30’s and soon enough the 40’s will come like a tornado and you wouldn’t even realise.

You have a window of 1.5 hours before work starts again and you know it. There is a gap and the morning began with such a sour note. Listen to Tim Ferris for a bit of motivation and drive.

Now the day is left for emptiness and I am employed as a long-term employee as a Brand Director. I am a freakin’ brand director and I am without work. I am 30 years old and I am running short of money. My job is to bring bread to the table in this household. I need to shift from my comfort level and make it happen for myself so that I am able to earn atleast a lakh per month. I am actually earning more than a lakh per month but my regenerative income is not that much. What should I do with my extra time? I do want to write my short stories. But what is the context of my story.┬áLets explore then Vaibhav.

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Pushing around

the feeling of guilt coming over my conscious because you have taken care of work.

The only thing that you need to do now is to push people and thats it.

Is that the only thing that I am left with for today. Let take an account of it.

Design of newspaper ad – with lungs – i need to tell Ankan – I can email it

App logos need to come from Arun – i have already written to him

Sabaa ka payment – I have mailed her and need to push Ramesh ji

Case studies – that I need to write because I cannot keep that with Parul or Shivangi

Website design – I need to push Ankan

For website design – I also need to push Arun and Mrinal

For film – I need to push Aditya.

I just have to push people and thats all.

Whose thought is it anyway?

Client says that we need it quick, so I being the Samaritan obliges so that they stay happy and keep our account.

Boss says that I’m always scared and don’t work smart.

Colleagues say that I’m slow and dont have a system in place.

I feel honest and want to service all the time.

Which is the right thing to do?

What is my thing?

Who is my mentor?

Family gives a shit, but even if they do, it seems like Im dealing with the dumbest lot in the world. But how do dumb people that make you feel guilty of working hard ever going to contribute to my success.

Wife wants time all the time.

Expenses are high

Friends are making you feel guilty and call you for small talk with stories that don’t matter anymore

Ambition is there to move ahead and become richer.

Who should I listen to and whom do I not listen to you. Am I compensating for the lack of something? Is it will or knowledge?

I am compensating for something. Its my willingness to please and my absence of a self identity. Who am I? What is my stance? I hate people who think that I can listen to whatever crap that they say. I need an attitude shift. I want an attitude shift.

I have known about the weird discord in my relationships all these years and it seems that it’s reached my wife too. I don’t have any reason to tell her that it is a self-centered approach and I have been always put second fiddle to everything including tea sessions. Do I have any option. I have felt this all my life that I was second fiddle. Why has she always been the way that we will stay with family. Hasn’t she always spoilt it for you Vaibhav a d out pressure on you in the past as well. Because all she has been done is pampered for smallest of things by her Dad and not toughened. This was something similar to me and Akki, we were toughened with emotions because we both were fucked off by our parents rather than embraced. My pursuits have been my own and no one else’s motivation in fact, it has been the entire opposite of that. My family’s pursuits have been that of a poster boy who is romancing money and I have been the entire opposite of that. The one person who could’ve been my adversary in life, my mum, left me with abandonment unconsciousness.

Bringing value to myself and others

I am just afraid to be someone else’s bitch. But at the same time I want to be someone who is not taken for a ride. After so many years, I’ve come back as my boss-Anuj or at the same position as Anuj. Vaibhav, you just don’t have to be afraid of taking up work. What’s the bigger picture in mind. To be here or actually get recommendations from other people. Going forward in life do you think people will remember you for your fun-ness or the value you have added in their life. For the value of course. But for bringing in value, you need to up your own value and ensure that you are taking out time to do what keeps your feul going. Do you know what your feul is? Fitness and my life is what my feul is ? Travelling to new places and experiences is a bit ambigous but I just imagine making this a routine.

One green tea latte for my soul please! Thank You!

Everyone remembers the red pill and blue pill story from the Matrix, which would have been some context to this article as had it not been the much required green tea I needed when I sat down to write this piece. Coming to the Barista, I needed a detox so strong that I left my usual choice of a Cafe Mocha and instead went for the horribly tasting beverage…the horror of all coffee shops…the horrid Green Tea Latte!

My first preference was the Hibiscus and Pomegranate Iced tea, but unfortunately, they ran out of it that day. (which also tastes horrible for Starbucks standard). I needed a detox which was cold to the throat and would cleanse my interiors. After a day of mediocre conversations, excessive alcohol and junk food consumption, I resolved to go for the anti-thesis of a satisfying beverage.

As I sipped through it with contempt, I felt that it wasn’t my tummy that needed the detox but it was my soul! My aura, my brain, my thoughts or whatever you may call the soul in your world. I just consumed toxic materials through my eyes and ears. Toxicity is in abundance around and no one is willing to raise the bar of taste. Sipping the ghastly drink is helping me clear my conscious of the toxic over-ride I just went through. It’s medicinal in fact.

When I say toxic, I don’t mean that we are the proponents of concentration camps of the Nazi-Germanic era or we’re going through the horrors that Middle Eastern folks are going through after years of Genocide or mass killings. Thankfully, its not that bad yet. Since real-time content is available at our fingertips on our handsets and multimedia screens are omnipresent in our urban existence, we’re more in a position to be influenced by propaganda media and mediocre communication. Evidence of this fact is when you witness a growing league of eccentric extroverted youth talking about their personal social media metrics around you instead of carrying out meaningful conversations for a better future, an outburst of videos that come on our screens painting a picture of a post-card perfect life even when real-life issues such as poverty and malnutrition mar the future of our country.

How is this intrusion of our personal lives happening and influencing the course of our future growth? A few days back, research reports erupted of the youth being unaccomplished due to over-exposure of the internet in the US. Ferocious consumption of video, television, social media…the sources are endless. I don’t think this consumption dose is going to reduce anytime soon in the coming future. Bombardment of content is inevitable in our veritable future.┬áThe concept of clarity and self-awareness is losing itself to gluttony and ‘over-awareness’, an overload if you would put it that way. If it ain’t bigger, better, faster, complex-er, then it ain’t worth it.

Let me take a gulp of that horrid green tea latte for a bit.

Consumption is easier than creating. The thought of consuming before creating has no benchmark, other than something that fills the brain cells up to a limit where creation becomes a necessity rather than a way of life. It’s difficult to even consider that.

Another thing that changes our patterns to consumption rather than creating is monotony. A continuous and consistent struggle of the senses allows us to think creatively and vent it out. A brilliant guy once said that creativity comes from the 3 B’s- Bed, Bath and Bus(travelling). He’s not wrong but these activities fill our senses and strip us of the commodities that we value like Television and media which allows us to think and create that for ourselves. So we create. Is creation a force of mankind? We must innately create in order to survive? When we are taken away from our space of comfort, we are innately thinking of creating a vision and that’s what essentially makes us human. Are we designed to move, to reproduce, to create, to consume? The answer is a definite yes, we are to consume and create. Isn’t that why we have limbs to move, thumbs to hold, mouth to eat. We will consume and take out the waste and convert the energy of this planet to move and create.

“We are what we eat”, it doesn’t restrict itself to just food. The phrase extends itself to say, “You are what you eat, you are what you think”. Entertainment content available today is spread across a wide spectrum of themes – cooking challenges, game-theory voyeurism, fantasy drama, pulp fiction, dark satire…the list is endless. If we’re consuming content of different varieties and making it a point of conversation in our daily lives, how are we able to distinguish ourselves as a curator of our thoughts. We are being given these options in today’s time and all we need is the intent and time to consume it.

The future of content is massive as more and more people are entering the online realm. However, as content creators, do we not have a ‘white-hat’ responsibility to entertain, influence or inform. A flurry of videos that showcase endless vine compilations doing the rounds on multiple online channels isn’t just degrading our youth to consume such content but is also influencing them to divulge in creating content of the similar type and enacting such mundane practices. Painting a picture of a fulfilled life whereas the artifice is apparent behind the scenes. Do we not have a responsibility as mentors to guide our consumption and curate our thoughts to evade such endless online gluttony and use it in our favour rather than giving in to our innate reflex.

Yuck!! the green tea latte was horrendous. The baristas know it, the coffee shop owner knows it, the customers know it, but it made a wonderful instagram post.