Its hard getting inspired especially when your in a mundane environment that has a hotel receptionist toughie and a gym instructor for a team. A typical 10-6 grind with a bulging tummy and public transport commute seems to be quite a becoming for a typical household family with two kids and minimum wage zindagi. Whatever that can happen, needs to happen with me in a metaphysical form because im not ready to let go of the cushy job which pays my bills. In fact, I feel its liberating me to do things and I don’t have to be a mercenary or a puritist of any kinds when it comes to money incoming. Im not ready to gamble with me and my life anymore and want to approach with a sound but hopefully calculative way.
I am seeking inspiration and want to be inspired to live outrageously. I want to know that I can write and live a grand life like the ones in Bel-air with a grand house with all the space in the world and good food.
I need to find where to get inspired from especially outside of my comfort area, that is my desk and can propel me to go forward. I am also quite astonished as to how in only 3 months that I simply gave in to the laziness and sleepiness in return for a paycheck. From the outset, I am in a great place where I have a job that pays and doesn’t make me do much. Isn’t that the place where I wanted to be for a long time. Isn’t that the place where I wanted to be and started devoting time to learning new subjects, writing my book and getting fitter. I think it is.
Its been a while since I visited my passion and my destiny to become a writer. This may be something that I’ve written in a few weeks, and I feel ashamed by it. Some of the concepts that I’ve picked up from the training courses seem to be out of my touch and the principles that I picked up are forgotten. But I will still try my best to come up with words that form meaning and hopefully meaningful to someone who reads it.
I still vividly remember the idealogy that dawned on me when I had those mushrooms, it was so much more clear. The colors and the smells were so apparent. It was a High definition movie. I can remember the calling, that I will be the one writing the story of the earth and we are just common earthlings but I have a bigger duty to fulfil. It is something much bigger than me and it will serve for generations to come. Am I to write the Mahabharata of the new times? Was the Mahabharata borrowed from the texts of ancient Egypt like the way Zeitgeist had identified? Do i have the duty to write and pass on the story to generations? I’m not too sure that I still believe or whether I am doing what is needed to strengthen my roots of achieving the dream that I dreamt. I have always written for myself and for my own clarity, it is my place of solace from the chaotic world that I live in, in the meta physical form. But will I ever be able to conjure up a narrative? a story that I want to tell? What is the story that I want to tell? The story of the country where I live and the fallacies that exist. I am not too sure till when these fallacies will exist but what I do know is that what I believe in, the internal conflict that exists in my mind, will only dissolve when what I am saying in the book will come alive.
Coming back to me, why I dont want to blog is because I don’t want to become a popular face. I want to remain in the shadow, leering,urking. I don’t believe that success needs an audience. Heck, I never used to know that I believed it but I did identify that I had friction with recognition for good deeds. I don’t want the limelight. I want to succeed when there is no audience.
Financial freedom in a lock of chains and the whole definition of freedom has been topsy turvy and financial freedom has just been chosen to be a mere definition of the times that we are in. Writing about real shit, I must break off from my comfort zone and write about it. For how much long will I be able to dupe people from the uncomfortable story and narration for something that I have not experienced ever before. If I am writing about a kill, a murder, I have never really experienced what a murder or how is it that killing a person feels like. How will I know what to write about when ive never realised what killing means. The narrative seems to come to a point where its just dragging and the plot seems unknown. Its not dark enough, it’s just another story. I am not a mercenary that will abandon my income source for the goodness and darkness of the story. I need to dive deep to get into the darkness of the story. The current plot is influenced by a day job of 10-6 with the usual commute along with other day job commuters. And the usual banter with wife and retired grand parents. This reminds me of the panic that set me in a few days back on the weekend of setting my parents good as I and Richa are the only bread earners now in the house. My mother is too an earner but let’s face it, she’s running a ladies bridal wear boutique which is run by every living person who’s there in the street. So my story can’t be affected on the story that I am building. Or maybe I twist the story that can reflect from my current life because I cannot understand where to get influenced from.
Whats the influence?
I am in a confused state. The job doesn’t give me too much of satisfaction. It doesn’t put me on an edge, to think. At the same time, it allows me to breathe, and I know its what I wanted and I got it. The dream of having less or no work and incentives. The problem is I don’t know what is my target. What is my achievement theory? Am I to follow up with my client list or what? Am I to wait for the account to get active and should read up on it before it gets out of my control? What does your gut tell you Vaibhav?
-My gut, which is something I have observed over the years is that something that you hadn’t anticipated, will arrive much sooner than you imagine. So I have to be on the edge of my seat. Maybe to paraphrase it, it’s to break my comfort zone and do it. Now I am getting comfortable at the job but I need to break that comfort zone and achieve the next level. That’s what the winners do right…that’s what Tony Robbins says about these super successful hedge fund managers. To be honest, I haven’t gotten the first paycheck yet and I am thinking of possibly abusing my work ethic and going back to non-committance to anything and start doing something of my own.
My gut has not been wrong. My instinct tells me and drives me to what I want to do which is –
- Write my books and get it published by a publishing agency. Self-publishing is tedious and lacks the validation that I would get from a publishing firm. If they validate my writings, they’ve been publishing books before I was born, so I need to get a publishers validation on my writings.
- Write my magnum opus which is ‘The idea of a nation’. I will only release that book when I am dead that is most probably in the year 2067. So my idea has to be for 2070 period. Its going to almost be sci-fi
- I must understand the Nazi movement upclose. I have to end up in Germany and understand the birth zone of the Nazi movement.
- I have to be ready with my body before the time when I start my movement.
If my creator has given me the role of the writer and has told me that I will lead the people on this rock of a planet by my words, then why do I not write about this. What upsets me about all the things that are there. What is it that the people are doing wrong and will need some correction in their perspective. What should I write about. The way people will get my message across is when I amplify it across mediums – TV, Newspaper, Magazine, Movies, Books, etc. I need to amplify my messages. Now what is the message. What is that thing that I need to put across that will move the people. I sometimes think to myself that that vision I saw of me when I was in the pool and the shrooms kicked in, was I actually hallucinating? Was it a clear state of mind or was it a hallucination? It wa pretty clear that I wanted to write and in the midst of it all, my thoughts were quite clear and so was my vocab. How did my vocab actually improved when I didnt’ read a thing and all I did was clear my head on the beach side with nothing much to do. Was the industrial revolution actually making people work working for the people. I think we are still quite few numbers but there is a system that is supposedly flawed that allows us to follow it for sustenance and livelihood. I have heard it in movies and there are documentaries that challenge the system and declare that it is geared to put more money in the hands of the rich rather than an equal distribution of resources. Wealth measurement is in the form of paper notes holdings. The more paper notes you are holding the more wealth you have. And this paper notes holding is a ticket that allows you to enable better life and resources for yourself. You have the option to spread it amongst those that you feel are righteous or deserve a portion of that and its completely at your free will. However, to acquire the paper notes, there is a transaction that needs to happen that will allow one person to transfer to the other the wealth, in the form of a tangible or intangible commodity. However, the tangible commodity is something that should be worthwhile to hold so that the person who is transferring that commodity to you feels that he is buying into that commodity. An example is that of employment, if the manager costs around 7.5 lacs per annum to the company but the commodity is brand management, it is an intangible thing but the compensation is worth 7.5 lacs. Nowhere were we taught how to value services, so service experience valuation is something that is still un-valued. So services needs to have some testimonials, which back the service experience of dealing with the said person. Testimonials seem to be the only way of judging the person’s character and personality. So social selling has become important to get testimonials. So then testimonials should also be valued with paper notes. In the ethical point of view, buying testimonials seems to be a wrong practise but why does it come under the banner of unethical practice. I want to understand how is this unethical practice when as per the intuitive course of the system, it is a natural route to purchase rather than earn testimonials. Maybe this is where unethical practices become debatable and people see ends to a mean and means to an end. Coming back to valuation or products and services, the market demand really explains the pricing as per the paper notes of the product. If somehow I have testimonials and expertise in a variety of things and can assure light speed productivity and efficiency in my capability, then I am sure that my value with respect to paper notes will increase. But how is it possible that paper notes value is less in some areas of the world and more in some areas of hte world. For example, if I am in NZD, the value and currency may be loosely connected with the US Dollar but the same services that I can purchase from a NZD is cheaper in India and at times it is better and faster. So what are the variables in that case? What is the cost of development and cost of expertise hiring ratio in India versus in New Zealand. It has to do with a lot of personal choices and personal development. Suppose I want intangible expertise to be there rather than product development, then I should invest in an education system which alleviates the expertise development. If the education system doesn’t alleviate the expertise development, the cost of expertise hiring ratio will be lesser because the cost of development is lesser. But in the case of India versus New Zealand, the cost of development may not be leaning towards NZD whereas the cost of development in India will be more because of factors of high resistance and availability of resources and purchasing power. So in a way, somehow its talking of a vicious circle where the poor and the destitute where there is a lack of resources, the ratio will remain lower and the ratio in the resourceful country will remain higher. This situation exists on paper, it is in simulation mode that it happens like that but when and where do these variables change or alter?
I am at a loss for words and at a loss for quality words. My vocabulary is getting weaker rather than richer. Why is that? …because my vocab is my money maker. I need to improve it by selecting my media and getting influenced by it before its too late. I know exactly which media I need to read and which one to avoid. Movies and tv serials I must avoid at all costs. Maybe just a select few that I can watch on Netflix but nothing besides that. I have to remove the Tata sky connection from my room and divert it to the hall. Yes, that’s better. And also my fitness level needs to improve. How can I not improve my fitness level. It seems that I need to correct all this. I need to correct my coffee fix too.
Coming back to my vocab and my typing skills, I need to fasten it up and also improve my vocab…a lot of improvement is needed. I just finished the book Switch On and Im contemplating going back to the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy. What should be the decision, I am becoming indecisive. With everything, maybe that’s something that comes from my Father, he doesn’t have an opinion of his own rather than being strongminded about all that is there. Now with the rent coming in, he’s taken a backseat with all the burdens that are there.