I am tired and exhausted, more mentally than physically. It seems that the road in front of me is going to be arduous and gets more difficult as it continues. However, what I feel that this long and arduous road which is a mixed bag of emotions and quarrels and feelings and sentiments isnt going to bring me a lot of money and improve my lifestyle, on the contrary, it will dull my senses more to become innocuous.
The only two singular routes that I see in improving my lifestyle and life in general boils down to education, which should be continuous and consistent. And travel, which will broaden my horizon in perspective and thought.
If I had to narrate my day today, it was a roller coaster of unplanned itineraries and feeling like a feather floating with the gust of wind. The day started slowly with the day’s ablutions and necessities, but wait, because I was sick, I just had to excrete all the stuff that accumulated in my body over the night. Mucuous, snort, urine, excrement, food particles, and deficiency of water. It killed at least half an hour of my morning to feel comparatively lightheaded than I was when I got up from the bed. This routine reminded me of the days when I was on my own and there was no barometer for my day, it was yet again a flightful feather jostling away with the gushes of the wind.
I am grateful for the home remedies that my wife has got from her home, it had healed me and made me free-er.
The day proceeded with the rendezvous at the mall which was followed with a confused shopping experience. The duo of the sisters trying to keep themselves abreast with the current by splurging on their hard earned status’s currency. Now, when I think about it, it is such a vicious circle. You work to earn a status and then you spend more to keep the status. That is truly an insight. These amazing gems in my mind makes me think to completely weed myself off from this vicious equation, or spend my entire life to successfully solve it. There is almost a traditional ritual in this which is running from centuries, its only become glamorous and exciting with the influx of new people who have bettered their advantage because of the democratic process. It is the advent of the middle class, a generalization that neither exceeds or decreases, its a glamorization of the average.
After an expensive lunch that mostly went waste because of the spoilt habits of children and mothers, the front-runners of the consumerist society that is being developed in front of my eyes as we speak, that glamorizes the average and common and rids itself of the fundamentals on which this society was based on. Come to think of it, the reason why I have gotten interested in the history of the nation is the vacuum that I feel in the fundamentals of us as a people and race. There is a huge vacuum in what we’ve become and what we intended to become but there is no one keeping a check on that. Anyways, that is a separate topic to cover in my book but as the day proceeds, the consumerist activities continue. The activities turn to a certain proclivity to something more meaningful and enriching, whether it’s for work or for inner enlightenment. The session was quick and simple, but the tension rises with the company of below parity family people who have entrusted their thoughts to emotions and keep on going as the body allows. It went downhill from there. It went into a flurry of emotions and thought processes that seem illogical and requires a certain stand to be taken as a responsible person. The absence of a responsible and over-arching thought threatens to break bridges between people. The outburst almost exhausted my energies. Something that I missed in the middle was an excursion trip to the market to complete upgrade activities and joining in the vicious circle of middle-class glamorization. The thoughts went in a tizzy and the panel of judges and participating advocates reminded me of a courtroom drama, however, the sudden spurt of energy that led to heightened experiences and loud voices inevitably entered the arena to rid the arena of the confused chaos. And then, dinner followed with sumptuous meals prepared at home. The same old drafty menu that was set up by the illogical and emotions that drive other decisions in this household. Feeling the responsible one, I quickly make amends with my maker for the high-pitched interruption that I caused to soothe the transition for their journey from the courtroom to the party room.
The zealous feeling of responsibility gushing through my veins led me to become active in household duties which have no outright results for me. A flurry of domestic management activities and then I follow my destiny into the lions den, my immediate maker. The den has become old and adorned the likeliness of a dormitory. As I proceeded with my food items to feed the lion, the feeling of feeding the student community rather than the lion was felt. A flashback in my head of the days when it was free and freedom. The flashback took me to my memories of how life was as a student, it was careless and free, unencumbered by society’s struggles of entering the vicious circle, escaping the norms of middle-class glamorization and into a dormitory. The feelings matched with my memories, but my makers did not, especially the age bracket that they are in. It was a huge mismatch. Led me to silence, it struggled with my sense of entitlement and pushed me more to become a part of the vicious circle, for want of a better and improved lifestyle that is as per the societal norms. To fit in and become respected to be a part of this societal organization. The maker clearly has stepped out of the equation. My back is reduced further leading me to become more independent in my choice. An afterthought is that my maker prematurely exited from the vicious circle and is now neither seeking entitlement to the throne nor is desirous or deserving of the glory that comes with the title. Does that leave the empty plate open for me to take up? An emotional and quiet wreck that would usually be shuttered-up or silenced in the fight of the gods. Remains to be seen.
Trying to end this day, was I interrupted with the loud clang as I was writing this, to be called into the courtroom drama late in the night. But I bid adieu to it seeking to sleep on my decently comfortable bed and feel the warmth of my partners soul next to me.
Free-in-spirit 